I’m not entirely sure what happened. We were supposed to be practicing. It could have been the weather, or the strange mood I was in (sullen with hints of paranoia, a splash of bitter, and two splashes of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum) More likely it was the Monster Energy Drink Josh finished just before he showed up.

Either way, our “practice” of some new song crashed to a unappealing halt, and we looked at each other disparagingly.

Then it happened. Suddenly, all three of our caffeine/alcohol indices crossed at one point on the creativity chart.

“Hey,” I said to Colin, “What was that punk thing you were doing before, you remember?”

“Sure,” he nodded and Launched. Josh followed. I started screaming, and I couldn’t tell if I was making lyrics up or possessed by a sudden bout of Tourettes’ Syndrome.

Regardless, a new song was flushed out in less than half an hour: God Hates Emo.

I can tell you that it’s loud, and fast, and punk. It ends with some chuggy/chanting bit. This is the song we open the show with. It is the exclamation mark at the end of the sentence: “Jagged Spiral Declares War On Emo!”

I’m sending a copy to Chris Carrabba, in hopes that he will repent and change his ways.

I’m sending another copy to the Pope, in the hopes that he will realize the error of his ways and leave Homosexuals alone, and go after Emo Bands instead.

I’m sending another copy to Suzanne Vega because I LOVE Suzanne Vega and send her daily updates of everything I do.

I’m sending another copy to Geddy Lee, with a request that we open for RUSH on the “Snakes and Arrows” tour.

I’ll let you know how this all pans out…