Month: May 2007

New Song – God Hates Emo

Posted on by Zero

I’m not entirely sure what happened. We were supposed to be practicing. It could have been the weather, or the strange mood I was in (sullen with hints of paranoia, a splash of bitter, and two splashes of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum) More likely it was the Monster Energy Drink Josh finished just before he showed up.

Either way, our “practice” of some new song crashed to a unappealing halt, and we looked at each other disparagingly.

Then it happened. Suddenly, all three of our caffeine/alcohol indices crossed at one point on the creativity chart.

“Hey,” I said to Colin, “What was that punk thing you were doing before, you remember?”

“Sure,” he nodded and Launched. Josh followed. I started screaming, and I couldn’t tell if I was making lyrics up or possessed by a sudden bout of Tourettes’ Syndrome.

Regardless, a new song was flushed out in less than half an hour: God Hates Emo.

I can tell you that it’s loud, and fast, and punk. It ends with some chuggy/chanting bit. This is the song we open the show with. It is the exclamation mark at the end of the sentence: “Jagged Spiral Declares War On Emo!”

I’m sending a copy to Chris Carrabba, in hopes that he will repent and change his ways.

I’m sending another copy to the Pope, in the hopes that he will realize the error of his ways and leave Homosexuals alone, and go after Emo Bands instead.

I’m sending another copy to Suzanne Vega because I LOVE Suzanne Vega and send her daily updates of everything I do.

I’m sending another copy to Geddy Lee, with a request that we open for RUSH on the “Snakes and Arrows” tour.

I’ll let you know how this all pans out…

Conrad Zero LogoYours Darkly,

Conrad Zero

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metal

Posted on by Josh

Metal needs a facelift. Bands are so overproduced, their music so paint-by-numbers that it’s effectively unlistenable. The Gothenburg sound has been co-opted by whiny mallcore bands who have the audacity to refer to themselves as “punk.” Converge may have been interesting at first, but they managed to produce a sea of bands cranking out jagged, atonal bleatings that I hesitate to call music, let alone “hardcore.” Mastodon…well, I may be coming around to Mastodon, but it’s hard to say yet. Nothing they do comes out and grabs me the way I’d like it to, but that might require repeated listening. You don’t get rennaissance vihuela music right away, either…

Where are the good bands? I mentioned Nasum in my last post. They’re good, but their frontman died in that big Tsunami (bummerville) so we’re left with their legacy. I do like the new Slipknot album, and feel they’re sometimes unfairly lumped into the mallcore thing. I like the new Dissection, but that’s a band with another dead frontman.

You know who is good? Amon Amarth. And the new Machine Head record.

Josh

Death Metal

Posted on by Josh

Choosing Death: The Improbable History of Death Metal and Grindcore is recommended reading for anyone who found themselves listening to a lot of Morbid Angel and Deicide while teenagers and scaring the hell out of their parents (like me.) Oh, how I miss those days…

Now, though…I find death metal obscenely boring. Sure, I’ve been listening to a lot of Morbid Angel lately, but I find death metal to be largely unmoving, especially the new stuff. Death metal is a teenage thing, and will always be a teenage thing. I’m okay with that.

It’s not like I’m not listening to heavy music: quite the opposite, actually. I’ve never been more interested in heavy music than I am now. The new school grind bands, like Nasum and Pig Destroyer, absolutely fucking RULE. Grand Magus is the new king of doom, and the newest (and sadly, last) Dissection record is unstoppable. Arch Enemy, Melechesh, anything from Rise Above records…yes, I’ll take it all.

But death metal…death metal kind of sucks, you know? Akercocke is okay, Incantation has a fierce new album out, and the new Lost Soul is pretty awesome. But on whole, I prefer the old stuff: Entombed, Carcass, Bolt Thrower, At The Gates. You know, the shit. Where else can it go, really?

-Josh

Generation I

Posted on by Zero

I just want to point out that it is the mashup of Goth and the self-centered attitude of American Culture that brought about the fad of Emo, and an entire culture I am calling “Generation I” as in, “I-Me-My”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p95_eF3bD1w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6AbIFnJ0f8

The Poor, Poor Emo kids! They just need your attention/unconditional love/aeropostale gift certificates! I mean, they just want you to notice them and their asymetrical haircuts! They just wanna be loved! They just wanna scream to the world, “What about MEEEEEEE!”

Fucking whiners. Kill yourselves and rid us of your self-absorbed stupidity. Maybe you wouldn’t be so depressed if you quit listening to shitty music like Dashboard Confessional…

Conrad Zero LogoYours Darkly,

Conrad Zero

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Video of Police Shutting Down Jagged Spiral Jam

Posted on by Zero

We’ve always said that nothing can stop Jagged Spiral, but the other day we found something that did:

The Police Department.

To facilitate some carpet cleaning, Monday’s practice was moved from the basement to the garage, and it was obvious that we would be heard, but it was just for one time, and our practice session was to be short; from 5 till 8 PM, although the noise ordinance does not require us to turn down until 10PM.

We didn’t touch a single song on Days From Evil, instead making use of the practice to do a quick run through the new song Bad Kitty and to do more creative and structural work on two new songs, which are currently called Dragonslayer and Horrorcloud. (You will have to ask Colin about where “Horrorcloud” came from, I think it has to do with Pizza Luce’s Garlic Mashed Potato Pizza and his digestive system.)

We were totally rocking, the song structure for the songs was really gelling, and the Jagged Spiral Music Train got rolling, and then…

7PM

Knock, knock.

The music stopped. It was my neighbor, an older woman who keeps a very nice lawn. I don’t know her name. Um, she’s from two houses down the block.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I just wanted to let you know we were just listening to you guys play, and I wanted to tell you, we Love your music!”

“Really?”

“Hell yeah! That band, the one that does that song ‘Iron Man’, you know the one?”

“Kind of.”

“You sound just like them!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Anyways, we were just outside listening to you play, and had to come over and let you know we hope you will keep playing?”

“Really?”

“All summer long! That would be great!”

“Um, thanks.”

Strange. Of course, Colin and Josh heard the whole exchange, and were thrilled. New fans! Oh well, don’t let it go to your head. We picked up the reigns and started off again, the avalanche of music was building to a cresendo, nothing could stop it….

7:30PM

Knock, knock.

It was the police.

I’m not sure I would have accurately remembered the next couple minutes, being pulled from THE ZONE back into reality so quickly. Thankfully we had the videocamera running the entire time, and the police officer was kind enough to step right into the frame as though we had planned the whole thing:

Turns out the sound ordinance also has some nonsense about sounds being detectable within 50 feet. News to me. Guess I’m gonna have to look that one up.

Conrad Zero LogoYours Darkly,

Conrad Zero

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